The Rules of Minecraft
by JinSun
Summary: This is exactly how you should play Minecraft. Never stray from these rules.
1. Chapter 1

**I hope you find this funny! Please comment below!**

When playing Minecraft, it's important to immediately become obsessed.

When you have problems with the game, such as your sheep keep running away, always rant about it to the friends who don't play the game. They love having to listen to you yell about things they don't understand.

If your animals keep running away, don't build a fence. Instead, repeatedly hit them with whatever object you happen to be holding at the time.

When confronted by a creeper, promptly flip out, and lead it to your house. This always proves to be a good idea.

When making armor, refer to the boots as booties.

When playing in the pocket edition, always build the nether reactor next to an important building. Haven't you always wanted an obsidian wall that runs through your living room?

If an ender-man confronts you, look it in the eyes, and then try to outrun it.

Build your house out of cobblestone. It looks nice.

Always go into a breeding frenzy when you're bored. Mass forced mating of your innocent animals is a great idea.

If you happen to build a waterfall in your house, make sure that you do it directly from a large body of water, especially if the bottom is made out of sand.

Pour buckets of lava all over your world.

When going into the Nether, push a few animals in for company.

Have an enormous farm that needs to be kept up with, and when you finally make all that bread, don't eat it. Put it in chests.

Make tools out of gold.

Write your name in TNT somewhere near your house. This will look really cool, and even more so when it accidentally gets blown up.

When on a public server, grief by destroying doors and torches. It really pisses people off.

When on a public server, build dirt hovels and sand castles next to elaborate buildings. It makes them look better by comparison.

Always make your house so big, that it turns into an involuntary breeding ground for monsters.

When feeling courageous, take off your armor, grab your iron sword, and attack mobs at night while holding many precious blocks.

Consistently build extremely useless machines that require the power of all the redstone in the game.


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope you liked the first one, and now here's the second one. Enjoy!**

When digging for precious blocks, dig straight down with exactly one wooden pickaxe. This will ensure your inability to get back up without using all your blocks.

While waiting for the release of the next update, fantasize about what will be in it, especially if you're in class.

When said update comes out, and the major improvements involve new clouds and improved fog, promptly flip out and threaten to sue.

If your animals have a habit of jumping into the water and not coming out, kill them.

If your friends have a habit of jumping into the water and not coming out, kill them.

Store all your chests in one room. This way, when a creeper gets into your house, you'll have somewhere logical to lead it.

If you fall off a cliff and die, call your character a few choice four-letter words.

If you respawn in the middle of nowhere, find an NPC village to pillage and rape.

After your popularity with the NPC village plummets, pillage and rape again.

If you die from any of the monsters that haunt the world, make war on their kind.

Make a genocide factory for the monsters you wish to kill.

Once you realize that you can't kill a species that spawns every night, ignore all evidence to the contrary, and declare total victory.

Watch countless videos on Minecraft.

Build a shrine to all the sheep you killed before you knew there were shears.

Keep building gold tools.

Sleep in an NPC village because you're too lazy to build anything, and in the morning, steal all there resources as a sign of thanks.

Eat rotting flesh to torture your character.

Brag about your amazing feats to your friends, then when they ask to see it, make a feeble excuse saying that you're busy.

Name your different houses and mines even though they all look basically the same.

Play to the extent that you begin to fear the dark in real life too.


End file.
